Death rides a white horse named Binky

I went to a funeral this weekend.  It was for the father of a good friend from college.  We hung out as a group and just had a blast, and I was roommates with his wife back when they first started dating.  I don't have alot of experience with funerals.  And I can honestly say that all this did for me was confirm my fear of death.  I am not ready for anyone I know to die.  All of my grandparents are alive, and I realize that is rare for someone who is 29, and probably at some point they will die, but I am not ready.

The funeral I remember going to was my great grandfather's.  It was spring break, and I had to miss my friend Nicole's birthday party so we could drive across the country to attend the funeral.  I remember the casket being in a room in the church, but I don't remember really looking at it.  I remember the cultural hall being full of people, and being told they were all related to me, which was a mind-blowing concept.  But other than that, I really don't remember to much about the funeral.  

I am pretty sure I attended the funeral of my best friend's brother, but I honestly don't remember anything about that funeral.  I do remember being in my bedroom sometime afterwards and my best friend saying something about it.  I can't recall what she said, I can just remember being in the room with her.  

About two years ago I went to the funeral of a coworkers' wife.  A couple of us at work went together because we thought it was the right thing to do.  I am glad I went to shake his hand and offer some support.  It was a wonderful service.  At other churches they actually have the sacrament as part of the funeral service.  Also, the minister, because they are professional ministers, gave a really really good eulogy.  

Yesterday I went to the viewing.  I saw the casket from the line a ways back and realized that I can't really look at dead people.  So I talked to the family, and then skipped out of the line to avoid direct contact with the casket.  I am glad I went to the viewing though, because I got to say hi to my friends and chat with them for a bit and offer support.  At the funeral today there was no time for that.  The best part of the funeral was getting to see other friends.  Two of my friends came in and we rode together and got lunch.  It is always nice to visit with people.  And I got to see another friend and he is just the best guy ever (yes, my sisters will know exactly who I am talking about).  So that was totally great.  I mean, you don't really want to see people at this type of thing, but honestly, we all know that is the benefit of weddings and funerals... seeing people you don't often run into.  

But I was surprised that people don't wear black.  Have I just been watching death in movies for too long?  Is black no longer funeral attire?  I wore all black.... black shoes, nylons, skirt, and sweater with my black overcoat.  I think I was one of maybe 5 people who were wearing all black.  People wore pink and bright red and white and crazy patterned tights with stiletto heels that looked like they were meant for clubbing...... It was kind of surprising.

I was also surprised by the talks.  In our church we don't have professional clergy, so the eulogy and talks were just given by people who knew the deceased.  But one of them went into alot of detail about the illness and hospital visits, and that just made me uncomfortable.  It was too personal.  Maybe that is what a funeral is about, but I was imagining more of an overview, the highlights of his life...... maybe some funny stories, some touching stories, but the best way you would want to remember him.  Not the end, which was painful and hard for him and his family. 

I was also noticing the similarities between weddings and funerals.  Both have lines you walk through.  Also, there are registry books to sign, flower arrangements, and musical numbers. 

However, weddings are a big party, and funerals are very melancholy.

So I suppose that is the bottom line.  The weekend was melancholy, and I am not really interested in attending a funeral for someone who is closer to me, so nobody can die.  Got it?

Title Source: Terry Pratchett

And this chair is just right

My tribe is a "spot" tribe.

This chair is too small, this chair is too big, and this chair is just right.

When I was growing up, my dad had his spot on the couch. If any of us were in his spot when he came in, he would come and sit down on top of us like we weren't there, and in a loud, joking voice say, "Gosh, this couch is really lumpy", and we would yell, "Dad, Dad!!!" and finally he would turn around and be like, "Oh! How did you get there" and get up so you could scramble out of the way. My mom has her spot on the couch, and if you are in Mom's spot, Dad tells you you are in Mom's spot and you get up and move. We also had spots at the dining room table.

I hadn't realized how engrained this spot thing was until recently. I have two matching recliners, and one of them happens to be closer to the monitor screen. But I always assumed that was just because that is how it worked out with the furniture arrangement. My roommate and I were both home on the snow day, and when my roommate came downstairs, she sat in the chair that was closest to the monitor. It was at that moment that I realized it was my chair. Before that point, I hadn't realized that I always sat in exactly the same chair to watch tv, work from home, write in my blog, cross stitch, do everything. I do. I sit in exactly the same chair. No matter that I have one that matches it. It isn't My Chair. So I was flabbergasted that my roommate would be in my chair. Of course, my chair doesn't have a sign on it, so how would she know. And then I remembered..... this happened at work. At work we have repeating meetings, the same meeting in the same room every week. I sit in the same spot in these meetings. One day someone was sitting in my spot, and I walked into the room and said, you are in my chair. They looked startled, and got up and moved. People in the office now joke about how it is my chair....

I hadn't realized that not everyone is like this. Not everyone comes from a "spot" tribe. My roommate doesn't come from a spot tribe. Her family didn't have assigned couch spots. So she didn't realize that I had a spot. So I was talking to her about it later, and was explaining how upsetting it was to not have my spot, and she laughed at me, and I laughed, because it is a bit funny. But I do hope that from now on, she will not sit in my spot.

Figaro

David A. Bednar's Conference Talk April 2005

This conference talk is one that has stuck in my memory ever since hearing it. I am often reminded of the tender mercies of the Lord in my own life, and am grateful for Elder Bednar's words that come back to mind. This week I had such an experience. I have a fairly straight forward morning routine to get ready for work. My cell phone is my alarm clock, so it sits on my nightstand for the duration of the morning, and when I walk by I pick it up to take to work. It is always set on vibrate, but the actual alarm does still ring. Friday morning I got up and got in the shower. When I got out of the shower, I put my cell phone in the pocket of my jeans, which I never do. But then a couple of minutes later, I felt it vibrating. It was my bosses' boss calling about some charts she had to present that morning. If I hadn't put my cell phone in my pocket, I would have missed her call, and might not have had the opportunity to help out an upper level manager. This week there were layoffs at work, more than usual, and it affected people in my immediate department. I am blessed to still have a job, and fortunate to have these little reminders that it is not all because of my own effort.

I went to see the Barber of Seville, because in Orchestra I played one of the songs from that Opera and loved it. Below is a clip of Woody the Woodpecker performing the song. This is how most of us come to know classical music, through cartoons. But I would recommend the real thing to you if you ever have the chance.

When I was in eighth grade, I had a math teacher who loved the Redskins. If the Redskins won their game, we would not have math homework that Monday or Tuesday night. I was an avid football fan that year, in that I watched probably 5 minutes of the game, and asked my Dad who won. The Redskins were having a fantastic season, which meant very little math homework for me. They were finally one of the teams to be in the Superbowl. So I arranged to have a friend come over to watch the Superbowl after church and spend the night. We were hoping for a week off homework! My mom made chips and dips of many kinds, and we sat around and watched the commercials and played board games. I don't actually remember watching the football part of the game. This used to be an annual event, one Sunday a year to just eat a dinner of chips and dips :) But things change.... dad's become bishops.... and examples have to be set. And let's face it. Here in the South we are basketball fans, and not die-hard football fans. So if Carolina goes to the Big Dance, maybe my younger sister will get out of some math homework :)

The weather outside is frightful

But the fire is so delightful
So since we've no place to go
Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow....

My favorite snow memory in North Carolina was the time it snowed when I was a Junior in college. This would be the Winter of 2000...... It was quite a memorable January. First, I moved into an apartment in Chapel Hill with two girls because their third roommate had gotten married. The move-in, as I remember it, was fairly low key because they had all the furniture, and I just had to move my clothes and books. I remember my parents leaving that Saturday before school started, and me sitting around wondering what to do until classes started. So we went to a week of class, and then the weekend came. This was the first time I had been up on campus for a weekend, since I lived at home for the first two years of college. So I went to a party with some friends. When I came home, our apartment had been broken into. My parents came back up that Saturday to help us go through stuff and to move to an upstairs apartment. When my mom walked in, she looked at my roommates room and said, They ransacked this one! And my other roommate said, no, it always looks like that.... Then my mom noticed something in the tree...... a 4' long iguana! And that roommate has forever been known as "iguana girl". So we moved again. The next tuesday the big blizzard of 2000 hit, dropping 2 feet of snow (ish). School was cancelled for a week, but one of my professors cancelled class for two weeks because he lived out in the wilderness and couldn't get in to campus. By the third day my roommates had come down with cabin fever, so we risked driving in the streets that still weren't plowed to go rent some movies. After we got back home safe and sound with a pile of movies, we became very popular. Several apartments brought us baked goods in exchange for movies :) What more can you ask for? Sitting around, watching movies, eating brownies..... that is the life.  

Of course, North Carolina storms aren't always so much fun. The last time I remember we had a really good storm, it was an ice storm. My best friend had just gotten home from the Peace Corps and had come down to visit me. I think this was 2003, but I am having a hard time finding web evidence to confirm. She arrived, and that night the power went out and ice was hanging on the trees and powerlines. So we squished onto the loveseat under every blanket we owned to look at photos with a flashlight. That is a less than fun way to spend an ice storm. Then there was the time that half an inch of ice caused all the roads to shutdown so that it took people 5-20 hours to drive home.  

So what I am hoping for is that the prediction of 2 - 4 inches of snow tonight results in the fun kind of snow day. The kind we remember from elementary school. Mom making hot chocolate with marshmallows. Mittens sitting over the heating vent to dry. Snow men and fun sled rides. Being cold but not caring because you are having way to much fun. Or .... it could just involve working from home, sitting in a recliner, sipping hot chocolate.

Sorry, the picture uploading tool wasn't working tonight.

To dream the impossible dream

I read a magazine article once about how you have to have really concrete, specific dreams in order to make them come true. The lady in the article said that the reason she got up every morning at 5 am and ran a couple of miles was because she had a dream that she was 60 years old, and was walking along the beach and ahead of her were two grandchildren about 5 and 7, and they ran back to her and wanted help building a sand castle. And for her to run and play with them in the water and the sand, required her body to be physically fit. So when the alarm clock went off, and it was too cold or wet to go exercise, she would bring the dream to mind, and then get out of bed. Just exercising because some government agency says we should all get 30 minutes each day is not enough. (Believe me, I know... having hit the snooze button many times....)

When I was younger, I had a dream of having a big dining room table. My mom had a kitchen table where we sat 3 kids to a side, and I didn't particularly enjoy being squished. Also, the middle person was always asking someone on the end to get up and get them something. (My family can feel free to chime in with how they remember life being, since we all know my memory can be a bit faulty). A couple of years ago I bought a big table, two leaves, and the ability to seat 10 people comfortably and 12 if you squish. I only bought 8 chairs because who has room for 10 chairs hanging around an apartment? I had realized the dream...... But it isn't exactly the dream. I have lived alone for all the time I have owned this table except last week, and let's just be honest.... when you live alone, you don't really sit down and dine at a table with a napkin :) In fact, even with a roommate, we both tend to eat standing up in the kitchen for breakfast since we are trying to get out the door to work, or on the couch to watch a tv show for dinner. I have had my family over for dinner maybe once a year since I got the table. Owning a big table at this point in my life doesn't really fulfill a dream. It is just owning a big table. Perhaps if I got rid of the big table, I could make room for a new dream....

Imagine the Possibilities

It occurs to me that the reason my mom thought my blog was boring is she reads it from the blog website.  I read all my blogs in a google reader, which just shows you the text of the blog entry, and none of the format and background.  Now that I have perused everyone's blogs outside of a reader, I can see how mine was drab and dull.  Hopefully now those of you who don't use a reader will be happier.... If only I could figure out how to get something on the side bar :)

I saw the image at the top of my blog in a museum in Utah.  The museum is the one with all the pictures of the prophets, and artifacts.... I can't remember what it is called.  Anyway the artist had done two paintings, one of the sea at dawn (the one I have) and one of the sea at sunset (which has a red tone to it).  They are narrow and long, and quite stunning.  I wanted to buy the painting, but settled for the jpg as the background of my computer screen.  A couple of years later, I went back to the museum with the intent of ordering a print, and much to my dismay, the painting had become more brown than blue.  Looking at it as a jpg had altered what I thought it was, so much that I was not as impressed with the real painting anymore.

I read a book a couple of years ago called The Art of Possibilities by Benjamin Zander.  I was reminded of something from this book this week.  I was engaged in a dish war with my roommate.  She cooked beans and rice, which tends to make a pot very messy, so she left the pot to soak.  I only washed my dishes around hers in the sink.  A couple of days later, she washed her dishes, but not the couple I had left.  I call this a dish war because at the time I was remembering all of the other people I have lived with who haven't taken care of dishes in a timely manner.... at least, in my time frame.   I will forever remember writing letters to a friend complaining about the pile of moldy dishes in the sink that obviously were not washed in the time frame I wanted them to be.  In the book, Zander talks about how everything is invented.  We all interpret the world through our set of experiences.  So my background in dish wars caused me to see my roommates dishes in the sink as a declaration of war.  Zander also discusses how you can change the way you view things by looking at possibilities. Instead of envisioning the possibilities, I was trapped by the rules that I can't wash the dishes because it is your job. Because of the distance I have, I can now see that one solution to the pile of moldy dishes would have been to use paper products. No dishes to wash. Or to change the chore list so that I traded washing dishes with something else so that I could get the dishes done the way I wanted them to be. In my current situation, instead of only doing my dishes, the next time I am in the kitchen, I can just wash them all.  Then the sink is clean and empty, and it probably will have taken me less time than trying to work around the dishes :)  And probably, my roommate didn't have a war in mind at all.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

She works hard for the money

Last week was my optimistic week, where I believed I could get different groups to use the code my team writes and it would be great!  

This week the obstructionists are out trying to kill the plan, or change the plan, and every other day things flip and flop and flip and flop and it is torture to try to get anything done.

The rumors did start last week about layoffs, but next week is the targeted resource action, so then we will have to flip and flop the plan again once we know what resources we can allocate..... 

Requirements have been drifting since June 2008 which was the last release we shipped, and they will continue to do so because we are still flip flopping on the plan.

The fact that my life is exactly like a Dilbert cartoon explains why I spent today reading Dilbert cartoons instead of actually writing code.  Now.... if only I was as creative and funny and could turn these work situations into a money-making machine, I would be all set! 

A Photo is worth a Thousand Words

My sister's roommate has a scanner, so she took some pictures home from Christmas to upload. I really enjoyed seeing the old photos. The other thing we did over Christmas was watch old home videos. Ok, honestly, my younger sisters are so cute on those videos, and it is just torture to see myself at that awkward gawky age. But since I have learned how to finally post pictures to my blog, and since my mother said my blog was boring because it was only words, here are some pictures from me:

Lilly was born in January, 2006 and she came to the superbowl party we had that February at just a few weeks old.  My mom had gone to visit her parents because my grandpa had a heart attack and bypass surgery, so it was just Dad holding down the fort.  Here he is rocking Lilly.

Ok, well, I got tired of waiting for another photo to load.  So that is all you get for now.

Coloring outside the lines

This week has been the first week back to work from Christmas vacation. I wasn't excited to go back to work, I could have used another week off. But on Thursday a coworker said, Welcome back. It feels like you are finally present. And I made a face as I sat and thought about that, and he said, well, you just weren't here in November and December, and now it seems like you are. So this made me think of Hitch where he says to be in the room, be present, because women respond to that, and that daydreaming happens on your own time. But I can't remember the exact quote. It also made me think of a movie quote, "I'm back, baby", but I can't remember what movie that is. I am concerned that this is proof I am getting old. Next thing you know, I won't be able to remember where I put my keys.

In other news, apparently I don't advertise my blog very well. I had assumed a friend knew about it, because I posted tributes and thought she would read them. My bad. But it has been fun reading comments to things I posted a couple months ago :) The perk of this new discovery is that I finally learned how to put pictures on my blog. Wuhoo!

Finally the big event this week is my new roommate moved in. So I will skip all of the usual caveats of how happy I am about this, what a great person she is, blah blah blah, and move right into the pain. There is adjustment when any two people try to occupy the same 1800 square feet. The last time I had a roommate of any kind, I didn't own anything. I was in college, or newly married. So combining households wasn't a big deal because there was nothing to combine :) In my current situation "I've got gadget and gizmos aplenty" (Little Mermaid). My new roommate is the same age as I am, so she also has a complete set of stuff. If we were family, we would have to decide whose blender stayed and whose blender got tossed, because it just doesn't make sense to have two blenders. But since we will eventually not live together, we keep the two blenders. I am excited about the two vacuum cleaners because I hate hauling mine up and down stairs. :) As her friends were helping bring stuff in, they commented on how great this place is. Which makes me feel good, I really do like my cute townhouse. But now my living room is full of boxes, my kitchen is full of boxes, the hallways are full of boxes, and I had to dig out my favorite chair so that I could sit here and blog. I know, moving is a pain. Having to box up all your stuff, to haul it to a new place and just unbox it again isn't fun. But I will say I think it is easier if all the people in the house move in at the same time, because then you are all stuck in the "box" stage together. This is also good practice for me to not be bossy. When I went to visit my sister, (I think I might have previously blogged about this), but I rearranged her furniture. She asked my opinion, and instead of saying, if you are happy, that is great, I shared my actual opinion. And then suggested how to rearrange the furniture to be better. Now granted, she says the furniture is great now, but it was pretty bossy of me to do that. So I am practicing not being bossy. My roommate was asking where to put stuff in the kitchen. So I showed her the empty cabinets and shelves, and said you can put stuff here, and if this isn't the right size for your items, let me know and I can move some of my stuff. The result was that stuff in the kitchen hasn't really gotten put away, but I am letting it happen on her time. Can you tell I am really holding back? It is easier to live alone. At the end of my christmas vacation, I was sitting in my chair, enjoying the solitude of my house. But people say growth happens when you step outside your comfort zone and learn to do something new and different. Here goes!

Out with the old, in with the new

My internet decided to flake out the week before Christmas. Because of the holidays, I couldn't get it fixed until today. I think this was a blessing in disguise to reduce the chance of work needing me for two weeks. But it does mean I haven't posted for a while.

Holiday Recap
1. Sleeping in on Christmas morning. I really enjoy the fact that now my siblings are all old enough to not want to get up at 4 am, and there are no grandchildren to get up that early. It is so wonderful to sleep in til 8 am :)
2. Duke Chapel and an outdoor nativity.
3. Mom slaving away to make pies and turkey and tons of goodies so that I essentially spent the last two weeks eating every 5 minutes! The food was awesome, but I am glad to be back home to an empty kitchen and a bike to ride
4. The Beach. Wow! The house my mom rented was B-Awesome (if you haven't seen Bolt, see it!) The weather was typical gorgeous NC winter weather, 70 and sunny some of the time. It was a great couple of days.
5. My sisters coming home. I got to hang out with my sisters a couple of times which is a lot of fun. Especially Thai food, Panera, the car ride to the beach, and shopping.

So Long 2008
Weren't we just welcoming in the new millenium? Where has the time gone? When I was in school I used to think things began with the school year, so New Years didn't make much sense to me because it was in the middle. But now that I have been done with school for a while, New Years has become the beginning. At work this is especially true in our appraisals and project schedules. And since I have to recap my year for work, and set new goals for 2009, I thought I would copy Ryan Seacrest. Here is my top 10 list for the great things of 2008:

1. Chicago with my sisters
2. Skiing for the very first time
3. Fourth of July in Boone visiting Emily
4. Two weekends in Missouri to visit Emily
5. Nauvoo with G&G Reid
6. Dinners in Chapel Hill with Jamie
7. Charleston research trip
8. Wicked
9. Sunday dinner with my family
10. Movies, Restaurants, Redbox, So You Think You Can Dance
(11. Got promoted at work.... almost forgot about that :) )

Hello, 2009!

I couldn't help but feel as I rang in the new year that this year is my year. I have always been a big believer in "milestone" birthdays, so maybe I feel this way because I turn 30 this year. Most of my New Years resolutions are fairly typical, but I don't want to embarrass myself by listing them out in case I don't get into a regular exercise routine.... oops :)

I am excited to have a roommate moving in this year. It has motivated me to clear out cabinets and closets and throw away useless stuff (as I think I already blogged about). Today I finished painting the bathroom, so I am finally completely ready for someone else to occupy the house with me..... well........ ok, not quite ready. I am savoring my last few days alone in my house, the peace and silence around me, my comfy chairs all my own, all the space being mine. If you have never lived alone, you probably think I am crazy, but McCauley Culkin had it right when he said, "When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone" (Home Alone). Also, I have not yet taken down the Christmas decorations. Taking down Christmas decorations is the last stand, the final straw that indicates you have to go back to work and real life. The vacation is over. I am not ready for it to be over. I guess that is the sign of a great vacation, when you want it to continue and you aren't quite ready to get back to real life.

I am excited about the vacations that are shaping up for 2009....... It is way fun to be an adult, and have adult sisters who also have jobs so that we can go to fun places :)

As for the rest of 2009..... I cannot say what will happen. Does anyone have a list of things they wanted to accomplish by the time they were 30? If I ever had one, I don't anymore. But I am sure this year will turn out to be different than I could have ever imagined.