Now that's kicking it old school

My dad is a practical man. His idea of a gift is one that he needs, and not just another something to clutter up the house. This year he emphasized this point to us, and told us to really only get him what he needs. So I asked him what he needed. He said a Honda Civic. I wish I had been witty enough to say, Dad, with the economy the way it is, I am scaling back on christmas. But I wasn't, so I just asked him for another idea. Since he told me what to get him, and I told him I was getting it so he better not order it, I do not feel like I am spoiling the surprise by sharing it with you. He wanted a ham radio. A couple of years ago he took the training class so that in the event of an emergency, he could operate the radios and make sure everyone in the Ward/Stake was ok. But he hasn't had his own radio to practice on. So I asked the Emergency Preparedness person what kind to order and how to get one. So she sent me back the info on the exact model number, and several websites. I did all of my christmas shopping online this year, and it involved going to a website, browsing the catalog, selecting the item, and checking out by filling out payment information and shipping information. Voila! With free shipping, my items arrived in a tower of boxes at my house without me having to venture out to a mall. I was thinking, great, I can just order the ham radio from the comfort of my living room, and have it arrive for Christmas. I went to several websites. They were impossible to search! There was no catalog with pictures, no google search engine, nothing. Finally I found the radios. I tried to check out. There is no check out mechanism! You have to call! Calling!??!?! What is this? So I found a website that did have a check out mechanism, but they only allow you to use PayPal. Well, so far I have avoided ever having a paypal account, and after I figured out the requirements, I have decided to continue my stance against PayPal. So I went back to the site with the phone number. What?! No Voicemail? They don't have workers answering the phone around the clock? So I waited......... I called back, and the man answered the phone and said Can I put you on hold? I said yes, and he said Darn, where is the hold button? So while I was on hold, I could hear what was going on :) So then he comes back and takes my order over the phone. I have no idea if the ham radio will really arrive here, because what if he writes down my address incorrectly? So I am praying that the ham radio does show up on my porch before Christmas.....

It's that time of year

when the world falls in love
every song you hear
seems to say
Merry Christmas
May your new years dreams come true!
And this song of mine
In 3 quarter time
wishes you and yours
the same thing too
-- The Carpenters

When I was growing up, there was a lady in our ward who threw annual Christmas parties, with tons of food, and even Santa Claus showing up! Her house was always gorgeously decorated. It was one of my dreams when I grew up to do the same thing. For the past 5 years I have held a Christmas party which is a great excuse to decorate and eat good food.
When I first started this tradition, I loved getting a fresh tree. They smell so wonderful! A couple of years ago I bought a fake tree because it was a challenge to get a real tree up the stairs. Imagine the scene from While You Were Sleeping: I should have gone with the blue spruce they are lighter! The fake tree comes in pieces which are easy to move up and down the stairs. But it doesn't smell the same. To solve this problem, I got a can of "tree" scent, and attempted to spray it on my tree. It was overpowering! I almost passed out! I had to open my sliding doors in December and turn on the fan to kill the smell! Ok, so it is North Carolina and it was 70 degrees that day, so it wasn't a big deal to open the doors...... but still :) So much for a tree scent......
My mom always let us children decorate the tree with our very own ornaments. Every year we would get a new one, and so our collection grew. When I moved out, I got to take all my ornaments with me. But by that time, my mom had her own collection of really nice ornaments. I am talking about the pretty gold ones from the White House. Also, other nice commemorative ornaments from vacation destinations. So my mom started doing a "theme" tree, which was covered with her beautiful ornaments, and flowers, and coordinating ball ornaments. So in true fashion, I copy my mom now. I have a theme tree that has my pretty ornaments, with white snow flakes my grandmother crocheted for me, and red balls and roses. It is gorgeous.
My grandparents always had a train going around the bottom of their tree. I don't think we ever went to their house when we were kids, but I did go one time as an adult, and the train was a very cool feature of the tree. So this year is the first year I have a train under my tree. It has some flat cars with presents on top, and I built a tunnel out of the other presents for the train to go through.
As I came home last night, I realized that I am missing something. A huge Grinch inflatable decoration to sit on my front lawn! My neighbors have one, and it is quite the sight. I am going to use it in my directions, "Just pull in where you see the big Grinch" :) Maybe this year I will go out to the after Christmas sales and get some outdoor decorations......

The Color of Water

The color of water is changing in my office. For years it has been free, dispensed in two brands of bottles from vending machines. The brands will remain nameless since I do not have any sponsorships, but the water was clear, pure, and refreshing in these bottles. At any moment of the workday, you could have fresh spring water to facilitate the creative mind of a software engineer. Also, there were free sodas. I am not a big soda drinker, so this was always of minor consequence, but I am sure my coworkers loved the free soda cans. But the company has decided to change the color of water into a non-free shade. In the memo that accompanied this announcement, the company said, naturally this will help us save money. So apparently the shade of water is now slightly green with the greenbacks the company will save by not providing water. Part of me wonders if I get dehydrated on the job, can I sue for workers comp? Probably not.... they will contend that I could have purchased water to avoid dehydration. But we all know what this really means. It really means that I will bring a nalgene bottle from home filled with my own water, and drag it around to conference rooms, and hope that I don't accidentally leave it somewhere. And now that we have started down this slippery slope, I can see a future time where I get dressed for work in cargo pants, with my nalgene bottle attached via a carabiner, my laptop strapped to my back with bungee cords and a sleeping bag rolled tight underneath, my mess kit and utensils stashed in another pocket, and my boots prepared to handle any customer situation that comes up.

To be honest, this is simply a sign of a failing economy. When the economy was going through the tech boom in the late 1990's, companies offered perks like free drinks, snacks, and foosball machines, to attract talent. When the bubble burst, companies went out of business or scaled back. The free drinks were the last hold out from the fantastic perk era, and now that we are back in a recession, they are finally saying good-bye.

(The Color of Water is a memoir that has nothing to do with free water in the workplace).

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Once upon a time in a factory far far away, a plastic mold was cast and filled with electronic pieces. As the components were finally all connected, it suddenly was transformed into a computer. The computer was told to report to the assignment office. With some trepidation, the computer went to the assignment office. The computer was given an assignment to go to Florida to become a proof of concept with some new and exciting software. However, before going to Florida, the computer must first go to a lab to get the new and exciting software. The computer was thrilled. To be a proof of concept is one of the highest assignments, second only to being a production server! Several people began working on loading the software onto the computer in preparation for Florida. This was a very long and tedious process, and as time passed, the people realized that it wouldn't be done in time to put the computer onto a truck to be sent to Florida. The computer was so excited! The people were talking about buying the computer a plane ticket to fly to Florida. The computer had always wanted to try those in flight peanuts. The people drove the computer to the airport and bought the computer a one way ticket to Florida. They made sure the flight attendants would pay attention to the computer and ensure the computer was secure on the flight. Then the computer had to go through security alone because the people didn't have tickets to pass through security. Around on the conveyor belts went the computer. Sitting in a chair waiting for the flight to board was really long and tedious, and the computer didn't have any e-books loaded. Finally the flight attendant called the computer's row, and got the computer all buckled in and safe. The flight attendant had some coloring books that were used with other young travelers, but the computer didn't have the right external ports to upload the images. There were other people waiting for the computer when the plane landed, and finally, the computer was set up as the proof of concept, and had fulfilled the assignment.